Being lonely.

petahbr3ad:

I don’t know, this is probably the result of who I am normally or what I am used to. I know a lot of people are like this too but it’s difficult to find someone like it because you want them to come to you. At that point, you don’t want to do anything and you don’t want to put in that effort.

Another thing I’m used to is being quiet for much of my life. Because of that, I end up just sitting there and observing people, may it be just a random person or close acquaintances. After watching so many different variations on personality you will always pick out what you like and what you dislike, but it doesn’t mean I feel like I belong in any social situation/group. I feel lonely, most of the time I don’t mind it but then it really swallows the feeling of existence. It’s not bad if you keep it in check, you learn to notice more things around you and enjoy the beauty or ugliness of your surroundings. It is a curious feeling. But when it comes down to it, you can only be happy for so long. I’m still okay in many other aspects, but not fully trusting the people around me is a bit of a shame. I know I could trust them and communicate a lot more than I do now, but I always feel like they don’t care.

Life provides plenty to everyone, may it be blessings or misfortunes but why concern for others when you should be worried for yourself? I can’t do that because I like that feeling of lending a hand to someone. I know I could easily just leave them behind and have them learn for themselves. There’s still so much to learn about this, but for now I’ll reside in that sense of being alone. It’s calming as much as it is ominous.

I feel the exact same way.